Tina Turner may have got it right. February, the month known for Valentine’s Day, is the most symbolic month for love. Candy shops explode in their highest sales, and florists can’t keep up with the demand for roses. The irony is that between the months of January through March, the divorce rate spikes in the United States. For those who feel the need for a partner to be complete in this month, February may also be the loneliest month of the year.
The American author Bell Hooks wrote: “Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.”
I would like to reframe February and offer a challenge – to welcome the opportunities to build a relationship with yourself. Too often when a relationship fails, it is natural to begin dating again, and even marry again. We often confuse being lonely with being alone. Avoiding ourselves, even running from ourselves, is not unusual. However, here is the reality: While the rate of divorce in first marriages is 40%-50%, second marriage statistics show this increases to 67% for failed second marriages and a whopping 75% for third marriages. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the rate of divorce increases in relation to the number of marriages. When it comes to a happy union, the third time clearly isn’t a charm.
As a counselor and Life Coach, and through my own career and personal transitions, I found that I needed to have a relationship with myself first before finding meaningful love with someone else. In the process of self recognition, I rediscovered who I left on the table a long time ago. I had to resurrect myself back to complete what fulfills happiness for me.
What would February look like if you made a commitment to love yourself first? What do you need to rediscover all your capabilities and passions? Take yourself out for a date. Create alone time to revisit your own internal strengths and dreams. Whether you are in a relationship or not, this new outlook can be a cleanser to refresh the beauty of you and strengthen your relationship with others.
If this challenge seems impossible, contact EYH Life Coach for a complimentary session. Our coaches are committed to partner with their clients to revive what is possible. And to Tina Turner, self love has everything to do with it. Happy Valentine’s Day!
By Christina Dalton, MS, PPS, PCC, EYH Life Coach
Christina Dalton is the Principal of EYH Life Coach. She applies her own personal and career transitions along with several degrees and credentials to provide insight and knowledge into the coaching experience. Christina handpicks her staff, all of whom are ICF credentialed and have unique experiences to create invaluable coaching sessions.